Sexual Ignorance – The Mid Life Traveler

March 14, 2023March 15, 2023

Where have I been????

Fun Fact: I’m turning my blog into a podcast on Spotify and Apple!

To my tens and tens of readers, I am sorry. I have no excuse…well, kind of. First, I just had writer’s block, then I was lazy but then, in 2020, there was a little incident which put a hinder on my typing skills. I do have a voice texting program on my laptop but it seems I’m a more creative writer when I type than when I am speaking into the mic. So now it takes me twice as long to type up what’s going on in my head.

Since it’s been so long, I thought I would take the time this episode to do a quick recap of my past stories and then next week, begin back in 2003 where I left off. If you remember that’s when I decided to leave Tampa for Ft. Lauderdale chasing a dream job that would have me travelling all over the world with the rich and famous.

But first, who am I and why are all of about 35 people so interested in my stories????

In 1972 I was born in Gary, Indiana, about 10 blocks from the Jackson Five, but didn’t know it at the time. Back then Gary’s black community was growing larger than the rest of the races, but we never noticed. People were people, everyone was just trying to survive. My mother’s background is 65% Hispanic, which I didn’t notice either as a child, it’s a shame today how the media’s destroyed that innocence.

My father is a Marine who spent a few years in Vietnam before hooking up with my mom and popping out a couple of kids. PTSD wasn’t quite recognized and many of our Veteran’s weren’t cared for after returning home and suffered so much because of it. Families were torn apart, marriages dissolved, the Vet’s suffered alone which led to thousands of suicides. So when I was about three, my parents called it quits and mom was somehow able to move us out of Gary, where the crime rate was skyrocketing and over to the next town. She raised us three, on her own, as a waitress in the hood. Still amazes me how she did it!

Dad married Val a few years later and she was a great co-mom. Altogether, between the two families there were five of us kids. We would spend the weekends at Dad’s, which was super strict, military style with lots and lots and lots of chores. Dad had a big yard and we were always mowing, raking and bagging, felt like we were in prison. But us kids were terrified of my Dad, we got the belt, a lot and at the time I hated it, but now I’m grateful for the spankings. I’ve grown up to have an immense amount of respect for anyone in uniform as well as for humans in general.

Then during the week, we would be with Mom. She worked nights until one or two in the morning so us kids ran wild. My oldest sister had a kid when I was 10 who I babysat, by myself, all the time. I was the youngest of mom’s kids, but I would have to say the most responsible. Mom worked her ass off for very little money, so we didn’t have much but she always made sure we had what we needed.

Since I was unsupervised five days a week, my schoolwork suffered but not my social life. We would ride our bikes until all the other kids had to go home and then just keep on going. I also loved working at a young age, really young, around 9. Often, I would bus tables at the Mexican place mom worked, babysit in the neighborhood for $1 an hour, take odd jobs and then as soon as I turned 15, scored a job at the High School hot spot in town, McDonalds, right on the border of Gary and Merrillville.

Being that mom worked all the time and my co-mom was busy raising five of us on the weekends, I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about boys. Now, I was a huge tomboy myself, which meant boys were for beating up, playing sports, riding bikes with and playing in the woods, not kissing. (eeeww)

For those of you who aren’t aware, a tomboy is a young girl who likes to wear boy clothes and play all boy things. I wasn’t into dolls so much as I was shooting BB guns and building tree forts. I thank my lucky stars every day that I didn’t have some crazed lunatic convincing me that I should take hormone blockers and cut my tittie’s off before I even hit my teenage years. I remained a tomboy through most of my 20’s until I met a group of girls in Tampa who helped turn me back into a girl…I LOVE BEING A GIRL! Imagine if times were like they are now and I did alter my body to get rid of my girl parts, I would be pretty fucked up now.

Anyhoo, I digress! Growing up running the streets from a young age is a great way to learn responsibility, strength, courage, smarts, adventure and how to get away with EVERYTHING. People underestimate kids and how much they can handle when we are young. Problem was when it came to schoolwork, I couldn’t be bothered. I was happy making a C average with the occasional ‘A’ when it was a class, I enjoyed but only because I loved school activities. I played volleyball, basketball, football, lifted weights and was on the halftime dance team. Without those, the constant bullying and harassment on a daily basis for the last three years of High School would have been unbearable.

If you hadn’t guessed yet, I was not popular…why? Well turns out because I was a threat to all the popular girls who thought I wanted to steal their lame boyfriends. My freshman year I had a one-year boyfriend and then started dating a boy from our rival high school the first week of my sophomore year for two years. I spent so many Saturdays in detention just for defending myself. High School sucked but I never backed down from a fight. Between having a Marine, Vietnam Veteran Dad and an older brother and sister who would beat the crap out of me daily, I knew I could handle those bitches!!

So, this leaves me with college and my 20’s. You can go back and read all the juicy details for yourself but here’s just a teaser of what you will find:

Lots of bad decisions with boys.
Always broke, scraping the car seats for toll change.
A terrible drunk, terrible person which is why I weighed 140 pounds. (picture above)
Many jobs at once.
My experimental drug phase towards the end of my 20’s, that was awesome. Glad it only lasted a couple of years. Trying cannabis, extasy, all kinds of funds stuff for the first time.
Awful, awful boyfriend choices.
Moving a million times from NW Indiana all the way to Florida, typically always either following a guy or running from one.
Faking it till I’m making it.
Always being on my own, taking care of myself, never asking for help.
Crash and burn, hitting rock bottom.
Then somehow surviving it all without going homeless, growing up and steam rolling into my 30’s.

Which brings me back to where I left off in 2003 after just moving from Tampa to Fort Lauderdale to land a dream job working on the private jets. For a girl who’d never been out of the USA, putting me unsupervised in foreign countries for weeks at a time was risky, and I have the stories to prove it!!!

Can’t wait to tell you more…see you next week!

Carrie Lee – The Mid Life Traveler

September 23, 2017March 15, 2023

It was Cinderella’s fault I was so unhappy in my 20’s….

This was now the second time I decided to move across state lines for a boy. And this was the second time it failed. One day after moving to Orlando, I caught him at the beach with another women! Between my broken heart, paying double rent, student loans, credit card bills and endless bar tabs, I was a mess. If it wasn’t for the $1 menu at McDonald’s and the cheap hot dog vendors at 3 am, I would have starved. I was extremely unhealthy, drank too much and was out of control. The sad part was that compared to where I had just moved from, life was pretty good. Here I am, living in Orlando, newly single with a steady job and a fantastic apartment, but none of that mattered. I was 23, broke, alone and desperate to be in love.❤

Dating was like playing the lottery, the odds of winning were 1 in a million, but I kept playing anyway.

Unfortunately my mom was always working, so there wasn’t much time to teach me about boys. But she did mention one thing that stuck with me, mom said, ‘Carrie, don’t ever feel that you have to get married or have children’. I don’t remember if I ever asked why and to be honest, it probably went in one ear and out the other, but looking back on it now, she was absolutely right.

I was obsessed with finding love and it’s all Cinderella’s fault. Her and all those silly fairy tale books we read as kids.

I thought happiness meant you had to have a man. On girls night out, it was hard to enjoy myself because all I ever wanted to do was find a man, get married and have his babies!!!!

I think if I had a daughter, she would be reading books on how to be her own boss, make money and travel the world. The ones that say to wait around for a Prince are sweet, but there needs to be variety.

Plus they painted a picture that seemed so easy to achieve. Society and family pressure didn’t help either. Up until the last few years, it was strange if you weren’t married by 25 and by 30, you were almost considered too old to marry.

When I was young, it seemed instead of traveling the world, discovering themselves or dating a bit to see what kind of person was right for them, adults did as they were told. They married young, bought a house, had children and got a job. That was my plan too, but the keeper of my destiny had a different plan.

And then, out of the blue, he called, my ‘older man, the one I swore off because he was already taken. The man who taught me about fine wines, girly clothes and elegant dinners. I knew it was wrong to talk to him, but when all you see are dark clouds and broken dreams, you do things you normally wouldn’t do, so I answered the phone…

September 16, 2017March 15, 2023

It was 1995, I was in love, had a great job and then everything changed…

Now that I had a good job, Augusta was starting to grow on me. I soon met a local boy named Tony who captured my heart. When I told my ‘Sugar Daddy’ in California that it was over, he wished me well, chuckled and said,’I’ll see you soon’. I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but it was about to become very clear.

Knowing that there was no other way out of small town Georgia, Tony joined the Navy and was stationed in Orlando. I was going on 9 months with AT&T when they informed us of the layoffs. Luckily for me, there was an office in Orlando looking to hire a File Room Clerk for $400 a week…I was elated! Not only was it my ticket out of Augusta, but it was a way for Tony and I to be together.

The week before my big move, the famous ‘Masters’ golf tournament was taking place and one of the local bars needed a beer tub girl. The city was flooded with people from all over and in 3 days time, I made $2000 cash. In my 25 years, I had never seen that much money, and it was all mine. Everything was working out perfectly, except for 2 tiny issues, my DUI and my lease.

A month before accepting the job in Orlando, I had moved into a nicer place and signed a year lease with a girlfriend of mine. Now If you know me, you know that I am loyal, and when I give my word, I will do whatever it takes to keep it. So I promised I would pay my half until she found a replacement. Basically between the rent in Orlando and the rent in Georgia, half my pay was already spent. Not having any money was normal for me though and like always, I would figure it out, but the DUI and weekly mandatory visits with my probation officer…..well that was another story???

My 1988 Chevy Cavalier was packed, Travis the beagle was chillen in the front seat and I was on my way. The 3 bedroom apartment was already furnished and my new roommates were eagerly waiting my arrival. At the time, cell phones were fairly new, expensive and impossible to get. Tony would have to call my home phone from a payphone in order to talk and it had been a week or so since I’d heard from him. I was getting suspicious, but remember, I was also the crazy, psycho, jealous girl, so I was always suspicious.

Once I settled in, it was time begin the hunt. My boyfriend had no way of getting a hold of me so I went to the Navy base to track him down. It wasn’t easy getting past the guard gate, but with a few flips of the hair, some fake giggles and a lot of flirting…..I was in! After interrogating several of his Navy buddies, they informed me that he was at a super popular beach bar with some friends. I was feeling quite proud of my investigation that day and with a big smile and happy heart, I was off to surprise the man I loved, the man who swore to me that we would be together forever…

September 4, 2017March 15, 2023

College, ugh, not sure I want to tell you about those years……

Back in my day, we didn’t have the internet to look up all of the fascinating things you can do in bed! Sex was a mystery only to be solved by trial and error and error and error. Some parents were good with that conversation and some avoided it all together. I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, I was clueless and would hear things like…..’tease’, ‘just the tip’ and ‘but I really, really like you’.

You might be blushing, because I know I am, but I would bet a
million dollars that most of the men reading this are thinking…..’haha, yep, worked for me’, and many of the women are thinking….’you fell for that too?’ lol

Now in High School, my experience with sex and drinking was very limited, but during my first year of college, I was like a circus lion who’d been set free. There were parties and boys everywhere! I didn’t have much money but that wasn’t an issue because we had Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, 750 ml of cheap deliciousness.

We all know (now) that being insecure and dating do not go well together. I will shamelessly admit that I was a bit of a stalker slash crazy person once I gave it up. To me, having sex meant we were a couple, even if I’d never heard from you again. For whatever reason, I was obsessed with trying to catch someone cheating. Enjoying the relationship was foreign to me and in 1991, cell phones were a rumor. When you wanted to get a hold of someone, you would call their house and leave a message on the answering machine. It worked like a tape recorder and I was a pro at figuring out the password. That was mild compared to being caught peeking into their bedroom window trying to catch him with another girl. I was a scraper too, fighting with my siblings and the bullies in high school turned me into a mean girl. Drinking only made it worse, always causing me to provoke violence.

Fortunately, my Sophomore year, I met a Junior from the private college down the road, which settled me down a bit. He had no idea who he was about to date. Drinking and fighting became a normal part of our relationship. It didn’t matter who was around, as soon as the alcohol kicked in, ‘Crazy Carrie’ would show up and cause a huge scene. But he continued to date me, even after he graduated and took a job in the next state.

The summer before my senior year, I turned 21 and qualified for an internship in Florida, a place I had only heard about. It was a dream job, one of the best summers of my life and I was determined to return. Heading back to Indiana and college was like leaving colorful, sunny OZ and living back in black and white Kansas. Plus, I had been kicked out of my sorority the semester before for entering a wet t-shirt contest on Spring Break. All of the sorority ‘friends’ I had made shunned me, so after a few weeks, with my tail between my legs, I moved back home to Merrillville and attended Indiana University NW. It wasn’t all bad though, my boyfriend was only an hours drive away and I had my childhood friends to hang around. And then, out of the blue, my life in Indiana was about to change forever. The boyfriend was offered a job in Augusta Georgia and for whatever reason, he invited me to go. This was the first of many events in my life that would lead me to where I am now…….